Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
