Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
