We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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