last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
