We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.