Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
