I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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