as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
