This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
