Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
