She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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