You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
