If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
