did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
