Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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