Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just forgot I was standing up.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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