im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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