how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
