he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
