If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
