I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
