ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
