I wanna passion pit in your ass
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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