I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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