Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
