New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
