hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
