she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
