I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
