I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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