Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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