tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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