How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
