i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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