did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
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Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
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Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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