roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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