I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
