When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
