just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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