For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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