This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
