there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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