i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
