somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
