Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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