its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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