the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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