Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
my shit smells like andre
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
