they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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