it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
