Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
