my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
