so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
