I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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