I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
