Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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