Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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