just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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