oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
