why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
