saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I need to stop coming to work sober
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you never un-have a 4some
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
