Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
