I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
