don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
