My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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