I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So much rum. So many feels.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar