I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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