just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
