The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt