Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
