i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
