I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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