Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
