Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
