Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
