I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
