i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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