Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
