i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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