We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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