im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
