we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
