Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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