i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
