i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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