I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize