I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
