Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
