Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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